My Kid’s First REAL Tantrum

You think that your kid has had meltdowns and they suck (the tantrum, not the kid) and nothing is worse. You think that you’ve seen it all after getting through two kids through toddlerhood. Then it happens and you realize how very wrong you were. Nothing, nothing compared to the temper tantrum that my child, Loudy had today.

Look, I understand that many children have Spectrum disorders or ODD or ADHD or are sensitive and extra emotional…but my kids are NOT part of that crowd. Both of my girls haven’t ever really had public displays of rage and anger, like ever. I mean sure, occasionally, when they were little, they would get angry or even cry or refuse to move. I even remember thinking during these times that these “tantrums” were just part of growing up and that they would eventually get over them…and they did for the most part.

Today my kid is four and a half years old and up until now, I thought that we were past the meltdowns of Bikini Atoll magnitude. I. Was. Wrong.

First I let my kid pick out a small toy. Then we went to go pay for groceries and the toy. I spent more on groceries that I was intending and apologized to her that I didn’t have enough. She was LIVID. I mean I’ve told her, no, plenty of times and she’d get pissed but roll with the punches. So then Mount Loudy decides to erupt in screams and rolling on the ground and waving her little fists around like a tornado of fury. I apologize to the guy, the SAME time he tells me, “I’m sorry, your card was declined.”

Now I am mortified that my card isn’t working and embarrassed that I can’t calm my kid who is now in my arms, flailing like I’m drowning her. I apologize and tell him that a tantrum like this has never happened before and that I can call my bank and go to a different cashier, but he smiled nicely and said it was fine. So I bend down to sit on the floor with screaming, now snotting, extremely angry Loudy and she proceeds to BITE me in the shoulder. It takes everything in me to not throw her on the ground from the shock and pain. I just hug her tighter and reassure her that I know that she’s upset and that I love her and that I’m sorry it hasn’t worked out today. It. Doesn’t. Help.

I grab my other card and pay for my stuff instead of calling the bank. I grab my stuff and practically run out while she is in my arms, kicking and flailing and swinging her fists about, oh yeah, and still screaming. I can’t even look at anyone in the eye and am pissed at myself for not getting a handle on the situation in time. I know I see disapproving glances and judging childless people stares, but I just poker face it and flee.

Then we get to the car and I plop her in her seat. She is still kicking and screaming and refusing to sit in her seat. I try to belt her in and think about how I wish she was still in a five point harness. She takes it off over and over again and I am panicked while some lady parked next to us gives me an evil stare because she wants to get out of her car. I also have some person waiting for me to leave so they can park (Believe me, I felt bad, but they could kiss my ass if they thought I was going to move any faster). I tell her sister to make sure she doesn’t undo her belt and I get into the driver seat, just in time to see her arms whip around and wack her sister in the head and the seat belt goes flying. I groan and go back to the demon spawn like miniature human and take her out.

My groceries are melting and I am worried that the food will go bad and I won’t have food to feed us. The woman next to us finally got out and mean mugged me the whole time (cunt bucket). The person who was waiting must have given up and left (Thank Odin). I sat on the curb, pretty defeated, with my kid in my arms, still screaming and lightly pommeling my back with her hands. I whisper to her that we COULD go back and get the toy, but that I’d have to take the groceries back. I KNOW it was awful but I just didn’t know what to say and I was flustered and embarrassed.

She stopped instantly and said she was sorry. I put her in her seat and buckled her in, but she wouldn’t let me go and kept hugging me and sobbing. I know it was because she was sorry and also sad for behaving that way. I know it was her way of telling me that it was ok, but I already felt bad.

I know what I did was wrong in guilting her and I know that no self respecting mom would have bought her kid anything with that behavior, but I still feel bad. I feel like I am the worst mom alive. I am an embarrassment to all moms everywhere- at least today and right now. My kid bit me and hit me with her little fists. I am embarrassed that I allowed that to happen. I am embarrassed that I couldn’t calm my kid and that she was the one making a scene today and I couldn’t stop it. I’m embarrassed by how I reacted and guilted a four year old. I am equally embarrassed that I didn’t have enough money in the first place, but that’s a whole other story. I just feel the failure today. Hangs head in shame…I have to look at her first day to remind myself how I have to be her calm when she can’t do it for herself. I am telling it like it is no matter how embarrassing to me because I know we all have those days.

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Loudy’s First Day Out of the Uterus.

Steampunk for Ren Faire 2016 (Part 1)

So this is the year that we are all going to dress up for Ren Faire! I am so very happy and shocked to say that my husband will be included this time. Although I already had a full Steampunk cosplay, I decided to mix it up and change a few of my pieces. For my girls, it’s been quite an evolution as to how it was all going to come together. My husbands is more simple, since I figured he’d want to ease into appearing in public in cosplay for the first time.

For my mini baby, Loudy (4dd), I was originally going to make her some sort of kickass water fairy and forego having her match us, but then I found this  fugly butterfly cutout at the 99 cent store and just painted it and added some hand cut gears and voila! It became a super cute, easy to wear wings for the little! I found a satin black vest at the Goodwill and whipped up a cute pair of shorts out of some scrap fabric I had from my skirt from last year. She’ll pop on some cute, beat up boots, and some goggles to top her off. Had to keep her pretty simple, four year old kids get cranky as eff in the heat and excitement of Faire. Either way, my littlest will look bad ass, especially if she’s pissed off.

Shouty (9dd), is all about all of the extra details. What do middle-youth (my coined name for what others call,”tweens,” but I think that name reminds me of,”weens” and I have girls and they don’t have weens.) like the most? Video games, TV, and music… I decided to take a kind of DJ concept and pop influences, and run with it. It’s coming along so very slowly, but I will have something soon because Ren is next week! Eeeks!

So the Husband… well, we have complied a hat, goggles, a hip/leg bag, and I’m floundering as to what else I can get him to commit to. If it’s not quite perfect, I doubt he will wear it. Oh and I was going for a “Scientist/Fallout 4/Smart Hot Man” kinda look for him. I am struggling but he wants the main table back to being cleared, so I have to figure out what to do and get our house back to normal, non-crafting explosion kind of place.

Come back for Part 2 in the next few days… here’s a teaser picture of the Loudy…

Follow, Share, Like, Comment, and fracking Obey me already!

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Mediocrity Is My Sparkle

I look at all of these articles about women who used to be fat and are now fit, or high school dropouts that found their inner strength and finished their GED’s and went on to college. I also hear stories about prodigies, gifted, and talented expanding their abilities to function happily in the world.What about those of us that are average and boring? Where does that leave us? I tried to stand out when I was younger and shine as an adult, but honestly, I just didn’t, no matter how much I wanted to. Should I be ashamed of being right in the middle? Well, I do feel bad because I AM ordinary, but I also accept it with a fair amount of dignity.

I finish high school (barely- I HATED it) and I did great at a technical college (because it was specialized and easy). I joined the military and did fine in their educational system. I didn’t continue my education though. I didn’t finish college. I haven’t written any books and painted any masterpieces or figured out anything to better human kind. I haven’t done ANYthing worth noting. Is this okay in life? I even got out of the military with no fanfare or recognition for bravery or self sacrifice.

I am now a mom…not just a mom, but a homeschooling mom. I get asked all the time if I am qualified to teach my kids? I get asked all the time what college I graduated from and what did I major in?  So far I have been able to teach my girls just fine. They are both ahead of the game and are active, happy learners. What happens when I can’t? Well, I have to find someone who ISN’T like me and average, to teach them concepts beyond my knowledge. How am I suppose to raise my own children with confidence when I don’t show them that I don’t have any?

I am noticing so much more drive around me that I can’t keep up with. Everyone around me has more money, more talents, more beauty, more brains, more help…it’s so frustrating. I know that even if I had MORE, I wouldn’t even know what to do with it because I can only understand “average.” It’s like I can only understand three dimensions and everyone else around me is able to somehow understand four dimensions.

People tell me how talented I am and what a good mom I am, but I think they only see the glitter on the surface. I’m mediocre at best, but full of ideas that could potentially be great, but won’t be. I seem like an “amazing mom” because I only announce the fun things that I’m doing. Why would I bombard social media with lackluster details?

There can only be a small amount of people that become successful or noted. What about the rest of us “medials?” Are we to just accept our mediocrity and float on through life? I CAN’T and honestly WON’T be more than I am.

I actually feel bad for my husband that has to accept that he has to have such an average wife. I’m not fat or skinny. I’m of average height for my ethnicity. I’m not well educated nor an idiot. I can cook edible food and clean the house in any average way that is necessary. He is NOT in the center with me, he is SMART and BEAUTIFUL. I tease him that he never had an “awkward” stage in life, because he really didn’t!? Doesn’t he deserve more than what I am capable of offering? I want my girls to be more than me too. So how do I help them? Don’t my girls deserve more than I can show them and hand to them?

I have no answers to my rantings. Maybe someone else does?

Please like, subscribe, comment, follow, and obey cause I’m average and I know it.

 

OMG! I Just Have to Share!

Yay! Someone else reviewed this box too! Spread the word!

Caffeinated Musings

12309505_10205999487521666_1668150340334271126_o Photo courtesy of Marci Passaglia (because my photography skills are seriously lacking)

Okay. I don’t normally put any reviews or promotions on here, but I seriously have discovered the best thing EVER. I decided to splurge on myself and get a little just for me fun. I ordered a beta box for a brand new subscription company, GRRLBox. I need more of this in my life, y’all.

Let’s be honest ladies. Once a month, you need a little extra TLC. You need some pampering and some relief. What if you could get everything you need in a single box delivered right to your door?

GrrlBox comes packed with FULL size products, not samples like other boxes. There are snacks (something salty, something sweet, and chocolate), a pampering item, a stress relief item, a hygiene item (that you get to customize), and a new cute pair of undies.

Want to…

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The PMS Fairy DOES exist!

Do you ever feel like complete ass right before your period starts? (Jose, not you) You crave salty & sweet goodness to satisfy the starving goddess deep inside. At the same time, you want to kill someone and cry over sentimentality. It eventually happens… knock, knock…your uterus that has been fairly dormant has decided to punish you for your insolence as a life giver. No fetus? No peace! To make matters worse… it’s going to happen when you are wearing your trusty white panties… What’s a princess warrior to do?

Have no fear, the PMS Fairy is here! The cost of relief is immeasurable, in my opinion. For about a dollar a day, you can have a wondrous package of delight, sent to your home every month! The PMS Fairy carefully tests and selects by hand each and every product in the boxes. It is everything you need to feel empowered and  somewhat happier to deal with your monthly cycle.

So what is in the box?  An overview of what I received is:  2 Redbox vouchers for me to sob over Cinderella or feel some femme rage with Mad Max. For my hangry buddy, the stomach, I got a bag of seriously awesome 3 cheese popcorn, divinely picked chocolate, and some killer good salt water taffy. Also included, were a freakin cute pair of panties and each month will come with a new menstruation product (I got really cool Softcups that I have been wanting to try out). To tie everything together, you get a piece of America- a (support) small business button, 2 adorable post cards from dearuterus.blogspot.com, AND some soothing, super yummy smelling artisan soap from Futhark Farms. Everything was packaged nicely in an easy open box and appropriately red, sparkly tissue paper.

Obviously every month will be different and you can even customize it (MoFlo, NoMoFlo, and Drama T(w)een). I am subscribed to the MoFlo because I am oh so very lucky to continue to be fertile. You can add on extra chocolate for a nominal fee. They make awesome surprise gifts for bitchy family members and whiny, demanding friends. They make an EVEN MORE awesome gift to yourself (or your wife/ SO).

During this holiday season, we need to make it a point to shop “small” and local as much as we can. Subscribing is not helping a big, multi-million dollar company, it’s helping a family that is just trying to survive in this awful economy. We can all do something to bring joy into each others lives. This planet is so very bitty and we all need to learn to lean and depend on each other to thrive.

How do you get this awesome box?

Go directly to:

https://grrlbox.cratejoy.com/

Visit:

https://www.facebook.com/grrlbox/?fref=ts

and Join the conversation at:

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An Embarrassing Situation for a Veteran

My daughter doesn’t know what the military is. She doesn’t remember me leaving her and going in to serve. She doesn’t remember the times away from me at all. She doesn’t know that I pumped several times a day, so she could have breastmilk exclusively. She doesn’t remember me in my uniform, or saluting, or why I love to stand up at Retreat at Disneyland in the evening. She doesn’t even know WHY the military exists and why it’s so important.

I spent my morning telling my 4 year old about me being in the military. I kept it very simple and direct. I told her about how much I miss it, but how I’d rather be at home with her. I told her that I wore a uniform and combat boots and shot people every day (Ok, I explained to her that I gave vaccines and was in charge of the Immunization program). I didn’t get to tell her about all of my experiences because some of them aren’t happy and some of them make me want to cry. I have regrets and I wish I could change so many things, but I can’t and I have to press on.

Last year I was disappointed with how much social media had so many anti-military, ultra-liberal, people in groups that I belong to. I am no war monger by any means, but I see the need for the support of the military completely. I spent my time doing all Humanitarian Missions. I never shot anyone or hurt anyone. I was a medic and I loved it. I spent my time holding hands with dying veterans, and talking and soothing injured troops. I protected our troops that were deploying, with vaccines. I helped ensure that our members were medically ready to go. I loved serving my country and was proud to wear my uniform.

After telling her as much as I could about my experience, I said that we were going to hit up a Panera for lunch. That they were going to give mommy a free lunch that I could split with her, explaining that today was a special day for those of us that were in the military. I checked several websites and Panera was the most “healthy” option and I knew it would be enough for me to share with her.

I was nervous about going in because I didn’t want to really ask for a free meal, but thought that she would get to see how a company could support our troops in this small way. I wanted her to see how people support the military. She was excited and already telling me what she loved to eat there.

As much as I love talking to people about being in, I also get anxiety from having to say, “Your welcome,” to those that thank me. The cafe was moderately occupied and I went to the counter and apologetically asked,”You are doing the 2 For deal for military today, right?” The very nice woman said that she didn’t know anything about it and said she’d go ask her boss. Apparently he was sitting and having lunch, so she walked over to him to ask.

There was another gracious employee that whispered to me that she hopes that it’s true and said that the company is “very Christian” and that she couldn’t imagine that they wouldn’t honor the request. We waited several minutes and I got more concerned and embarrassed. I turned to look at the employee and the manager. He was sitting (clearly annoyed), eating, and clearly surfing on the net via his phone. He didn’t appear to even take notice of his employee standing in front of him. I couldn’t bare to have my kids watch the whole ordeal. I quickly walked by the two and thanked that woman for trying to ask and left.

I know it was just a sandwich and restaurants aren’t even required to do anything for Veteran’s Day. I don’t see anything wrong with that either. Not everyone needs to agree with the military existing, but it’s nice when companies take note and thank us. I honestly just wanted my daughter to understand what Veteran’s Day was about through how a company thanked the troops.

I may not ever take advantage of Veteran’s Day freebies again. The embarrassment was mortifying. I admit that I was disheveled and my kids were a bit messy looking (I just went to the gym and they were in an art class). I wonder how much more crazy the situation looked to the other patrons. I wondered if I looked homeless and was panhandling.

The two ladies at Panera were so very sweet and gracious. I hope that all the good positive things find them. As for the disinterested, annoyed looking boss, well all I can do is hope that he has a good day too. Maybe he was having a tough day? Maybe he was stressed out about his cafe and the holidays? I just hope this story finds him and makes him think about perception. No hard feelings, just embarrassed for asking in the first place.

Dr. Who Dress from Hot Topic and a 30-something year old recycle make-over…

dr who dress

I bought this dress at Hot Topic. It is freaking adorable and has Dr. Who print all over it. I am in love with this dress. I can also pull off wearing white, because I am tan and white looks fabulous on my skin. Yeah be jealous, I have to feel good about a few things, right? Well, I bought it and put it on and looked at the mirror with hopeful, excited eyes…and then reality hit me like a Dalek out to exterminate. I am old-er, fat-ter, and just not half as cute as the model seen here. I couldn’t pull the short skirt without it looking ridiculous.  I refused to return it and I tried to crash diet, but I love food way too much and I’m just not 20 anymore. I sadly left it in my closet…until, I had a fabulous idea!

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I also happen to own several black maxi skirts, because when you live in a sunny place, but are a 30-something mom, you have to have a million yoga pants and maxi skirts. Maxi skirts make you feel feminine, yet you can eat a shit load of food and no one is the wiser to your bloated gut…PLUS, you get instantly gratifying AIR CONDITIONING!!! Yes, maxi skirts are like yoga pants, except they let the breeze fly straight up the crotchital area.

I decided to put my two happy things together and make 2 new outfits for me to sport in style, as a normal 36 year old chubby mummy. I thought I’d share this with you if you too thought of buying a cute tshirty dress from Hot Topic and are just too damn old and chubba too… this is what I did…

I cut off the waistband from my maxi skirt and cut off the lower portion of the Dr. Who dress. I sewed the waistband and skirt portion together. Then I took the top half of the Dr. Who dress and sewed it to the bottom of the maxi skirt. Here are the results of my not wanting to diet and enjoy my food in comfort.

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I hope that you enjoyed my short post of happiness. Comment, like, love, share, and OBEY ME!!!

-Jenn